Is this also activism?

MWP: I sit alone in a house in the woods. It is dark and stormy out, and I am listening to Regina Spektor, occasionally pausing to tap on Jesus' tank (Hey-Seuss, my fish), and marveling at how brave I have become.

Sometimes I think that there is too much wrong in the world to be naive anymore. Other times I think holding onto youth’s naivety - hopefulness, rawness, openness - with a fierce emotional vice-grip is the only way to save your own sanity.

In the last year, a profound change has altered my life outlook. I used to spend time wishing I could fix things on the outside, and genuinely believing that the outside was within my power to fix. I imagined myself having a huge impact on the world.

But I don’t know if I am interested in trying to save the world anymore.

Here is what I do know I want.

I want to live close to nature, and nurture a family. I want to be a mom. I want to love the man I marry. I want to have a {green} home. I want to love what I do, and and I want what I do to be elemental, creative and flexible. I want to save my own little piece of the world. I want to seek and protect my own happiness. Is this also activism?

I am cringing as I write all of this. I know how shamelessly selfish I sound. I know that to want any of this, is to first need a healthy, functioning planet to live on. I know that suffering comes. But I do not wish to hold the suffering of the world heavy on my heart.

I see that most people are unhappy because they stand in their own way, even as they are standing for many causes. I see the need for activism. I do. And I am a daughter of this Earth. I care and care deeply and always will. I just want to be a happy, healthy, optimistic activist.

I know you are right when you say that dreams need to be something bigger than ourselves, to make being human worthwhile. I am planting my dream-seeds this Fall. I am still naive, in a good way. And I think you are too.